Confidence and clarity: For a long time, we’ve been told that clarity comes first. That once you figure things out, confidence will follow. Bronwen Sciortino disagrees and puts forward a compelling case for flipping the script.

For a long time, we’ve been told that clarity comes first. That once you figure things out, confidence will follow.

So, we push.
We think harder.
We go back over the same questions, hoping something will click.

And when it doesn’t, we quietly assume the issue must be with ourselves.

But what if the problem isn’t a lack of clarity at all? What if it’s the pressure we’re putting on ourselves to find it?

I often tell people that this isn’t a thinking problem – it’s a listening one. And you can’t listen properly when you’re braced, rushed or trying to get it “right”.

I see this often in my work with high-performing leaders and professionals. People who are capable, experienced and have made hard decisions before. And yet, they find themselves stuck, second-guessing, or feeling strangely unsure.

Not because they don’t know what they’re doing – but rather because they’re trying to force certainty in moments that actually require trust.

The story we’ve been told about clarity

The idea that clarity should come first sounds sensible. Almost responsible.

But real life doesn’t tend to follow neat sequences.

Clarity doesn’t respond well to urgency. It doesn’t show up on demand, and it rarely appears when your system is already under strain.

When someone feels pressure to “work it out”, their body tightens. Thinking narrows. The quieter signals – instinct, timing, truth – get drowned out by strategy and self-management.

From the outside, it can look like indecision. From the inside, it often feels like holding your breath.

Why forcing clarity backfires

The harder people try to gain clarity, the more disconnected they often feel. That’s not a personal failing; it’s a human response.

When you’re constantly adapting, accommodating, or carrying responsibility for others, you learn to override your own signals. At first it feels efficient, but over time it creates noise.

You can still perform. You can still succeed. But something starts to feel … off.

This is usually when self-doubt creeps in. People start questioning the instincts they once trusted. They look outside themselves for answers they already carry, and they mistakenly equate more input with more insight. 

I’ve lost count of how many people have said to me: ‘I don’t trust myself anymore’. But what they really mean is: ‘I’ve been ignoring myself for too long’.

Confidence isn’t loud – it’s settled

We tend to think of confidence as decisiveness. Certainty. Strong forward motion.

But the most grounded leaders I know don’t feel loud inside. They feel settled.

Their confidence doesn’t come from having everything mapped out. It comes from knowing they can trust themselves as things unfold.

That kind of confidence doesn’t need to be performed. It doesn’t rush to prove itself, and it doesn’t collapse when plans change.

Instead, it’s quiet and resilient. And this is where personal leadership is often misunderstood.

Personal leadership isn’t about pushing harder

We’re often taught that leading ourselves well means being disciplined, consistent, and strong at all costs.

But the leaders who sustain themselves over time do something quieter.

They don’t abandon their own signals in the name of performance.
They don’t confuse flexibility with self-erasure.
And they don’t treat urgency as proof that something matters.

They stay in a strong relationship with themselves – even when that means slowing down or changing direction.

That isn’t weakness.
It’s authority.

Where the shift usually begins

Once people stop trying to lead themselves through force, a subtle turning point usually appears. 

Someone stops asking: “What should I do?” and instead starts asking: “What do I already know?”

They allow themselves to pause. To not decide today. To let their body settle before their mind takes over again.

That’s when confidence starts to return – not as bravado, but as self-trust.

Confidence, in my experience, doesn’t arrive with fireworks. It arrives as a soft but steady “oh … I know this part”.

This is personal leadership in its most honest form. Simple, honest, and connected internal permission.

Why clarity usually comes after release

Clarity tends to return when the pressure lifts. You feel it when the nervous system softens, when there’s room to breathe, and when you stop overriding what feels true just to look decisive.

It’s why insights arrive when you’re on a walk, in the shower, or after finally admitting you’re tired. Not because you’ve thought harder. But because you’ve stopped forcing it.

Once clarity returns, confidence follows naturally – because it’s grounded in alignment, not effort.

Most people don’t need more motivation, frameworks, or advice. They need permission to stop overriding themselves and notice what’s already there.

A different kind of confidence

The confidence that lasts doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need certainty to move forward, and it doesn’t rely on having all the answers.

It simply says: I trust myself to respond to what’s next.

That’s a very different model than the one most of us were taught. And yet, it’s the one people quietly recognise when they hear it.

Clarity doesn’t come from pushing harder. Confidence doesn’t grow from forcing certainty.

Both arrive when you stop bracing – and start trusting what’s already there.

And that, in the end, is personal leadership at its most powerful.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Bronwen Sciortino is an International Author and Simplicity Expert who spent almost two decades as an award-winning executive before experiencing a life changing event that forced her to stop and ask the question ‘What if there’s a better way to live?’ 

Gaining international critical acclaim and 5-star awards for her books and programs, Bronwen spends everyday teaching people that there is an easy, practical and simple pathway to creating a healthy, happy AND highly successful life.